kasdfkl;jdfiondf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well this summer has indeed been an interesting one. its been continuous ups and down and i'm tired of it. its draining to the point where i just felt sick and disgusting today. just nonstop things happening like being interested in my friend and then being shut down, being excited to see my friend after a summer long missions trip, to have him leave a week later because he decided to move, to my best friends engagement, to my grandma's illness. its been up and down for a couple weeks now. i just want a break! what the heck was all that about this morning? my freakin mom comes in this morning asking me to take my sister to a doctor's appointment because she's gonna go see grandma. ugh! fine! i take her to the appointment. only to find out that she's not just visiting, grandma's seriously ill! faggot! my mom never tells me the whole situation! gosh! i'm freakin 19 years old! i'm not 5! i'm old enough to know when my grandma's ill! sometimes i hate the way that b*tch covers up everything! she told me my aunt katherine was sick like 2 yrs ago and next thing i know, my mom's going to her funeral. (which i wasn't allowed to go to!) i was 16!!! then last summer when vera was sick, i was told she had the stomach flu, you don't die from the stomach flu! she was there the day she died but my mom wasn't adult enough to tell me! at least i was allowed to go to that funeral! now she won't tell me what's going on with my own grandmother!? this sh*t needs to stop now! ugh!!!!! i swear, i've had it!