birthday suprises

well almost done with my second week of school. yay! only 14 more weeks to go. my classes really aren't that bad. i thought biology was going to be alot worse than it really is. i am excited to say that i just might make it through this semester alright. eww yesterday i had to spend the day doing nasty coffee tastings. i hate straight up brewed coffee, its sick. i felt way sick after all of that but its ok. i'm almost done trying all the coffees so it's almost over. i'm excited about trying all the teas though, i love tea. right now i'm in the caff at school waiting for carissa's class to get out and then go to my statistics class. tomorrow is aug 30 and therefore alex's birthday. yep its true. he totally thinks i'm working tomorrow but he doesn't know that i got it off. i still need to call his sister emily and find out what restaurants he likes and make sure they don't have any plans for his birthday but we have a basic idea of what we want to do. he's expecting to just go out to dinner or something with lauren and janae. what he doesn't know is that i'll be at the restaurant waiting for him. hehe yeah i do love suprises. i'm crazy like that. we're also going to set up some cookies or cake or something at youth group for everyone to celebrate his birthday. i can't wait to see his shocked face. it shall be fun. until next time, have a blessed week! "good things come to those who love God" that's the quote for the day even though its actually a verse. :)

school is boring, just so you know

just a picture from the sleepover last week. well i started school on monday. ugh! i'm already over it but that's ok. it's been good having someone i know in my classes though. the last year and a half, i've been on my own and now i have carissa. that's been a major blessing. so that's basickly what's been going on with school. not gonna lie though, i'm a lil excited. i realized how stupid i was for liking my friend for like a week. yeah i think i was just convincing myself that i liked him becuase i wanted someone to like. i know i'm way weird. it worked out for the better that he didn't like me though cause there's a new addition to our church. his names alex and that's all i'm gonna tell ya for now. it's quite promising though we want to wait it out. it's better to take things slow and get to know each other first. yep. the end.

we begin again

so another school year has began. today was the first day of fall semester, unfortunately. i thought that this summer would be time for me to recover from school but i'm still just as tired and don't want to deal with school at all. such is life i guess. well i had all my classes except philosophy which starts on wednesday. they were decent classes, just not all that interesting. i took all the hard and boring ones this semester so i could get them over with and have the easier ones for while i'm in russia. yes i thought it was a good plan too. we started school at 7am this morning, rather early don't you think? it felt horrible! i can't wait till i get used to it and it doesn't feel so bad anymore! i already have homework in all of my classes, that's not normally a very good sign. oh well, at least carissa is taking all the classes with me that will make them much more enjoyable. this week holds nothing super exciting. sunday will be the church baptism though, i'm pretty excited about that. i'm also excited because we are supposed to go to six flags on sep 15, i have only been there once and it should be pretty fun. right now i am at school just waiting for carissa to get out of her math class orientation and then we can go home. friday night i had faith and some of the girls from church over for girls night. i will post some pictures soon so you can see how crazy and ridiculous we are. so until then, have a wonderful week!

prayer please

please continue to pray for my grandma as she isn't healed yet. also, please pray for my friend ally, she might have cancer and she's only 19, she still has her whole life! i think her tumors wont be cancerous though. my friend shiloh also needs prayer. he's really been messing up his life this past year and now he's in the hospital because of it. he tried to commit suicide and almost completely succeeded. he's pretty seriously messed up right now. pray that God would spare his life and renew him. man! why is everything falling apart!?

kasdfkl;jdfiondf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well this summer has indeed been an interesting one. its been continuous ups and down and i'm tired of it. its draining to the point where i just felt sick and disgusting today. just nonstop things happening like being interested in my friend and then being shut down, being excited to see my friend after a summer long missions trip, to have him leave a week later because he decided to move, to my best friends engagement, to my grandma's illness. its been up and down for a couple weeks now. i just want a break! what the heck was all that about this morning? my freakin mom comes in this morning asking me to take my sister to a doctor's appointment because she's gonna go see grandma. ugh! fine! i take her to the appointment. only to find out that she's not just visiting, grandma's seriously ill! faggot! my mom never tells me the whole situation! gosh! i'm freakin 19 years old! i'm not 5! i'm old enough to know when my grandma's ill! sometimes i hate the way that b*tch covers up everything! she told me my aunt katherine was sick like 2 yrs ago and next thing i know, my mom's going to her funeral. (which i wasn't allowed to go to!) i was 16!!! then last summer when vera was sick, i was told she had the stomach flu, you don't die from the stomach flu! she was there the day she died but my mom wasn't adult enough to tell me! at least i was allowed to go to that funeral! now she won't tell me what's going on with my own grandmother!? this sh*t needs to stop now! ugh!!!!! i swear, i've had it!

engagement

acheivement of the day: putting out the backyard fire. regret of the day: not know many people at the party. well i don't have all that much to say, although every time i say that i end up writing a freakin book. well last night i spent the night at chelsea's house and we finally went to bed at 4am. then i got home and there were people at my house having a party. super weird. then i went to matt's house. well my best friend jessica called me on wednesday to tell me that she was engaged. yeah...super weird feeling. i was just at her fiance's house today for their engagement party. i can't believe she's getting married! we've been friends since we were two! wow, i guess we really are growing up now huh? well i'm exhausted and i have church and work tomorrow, so i should get some sleep.

desperation and confusion

sometimes i seriously confuse myself. i'm not quite sure what's wrong with me sometimes. half of my brain says one thing and the other half says the other. i wish my mind would decide! or maybe its my heart and brain that are conflicting. i guess that's what makes it confusion, if i understood and had the answer, i wouldn't be confused. emotions are something that carry way too much weight in our lives and i believe that many times they rule over us. i can honestly say, that mine are ruling over me right now though i wish they weren't. my heart keeps pushing me in a direction my brain is so intensely afraid to go, afraid of the outcome, of the unknown. is this the direction i'm supposed to be headed? is this worth the risk i'm taking? our friendship is so important to me and sometimes i wonder if taking this risk is worth it. is risking my friendship for a chance at a relationship worth it? are these feelings true? are they going to lead me in a positive direction or one toward destruction? is this all just a distraction to mess with my renewed walk with God? sometimes i wish i had the strength and motivation to fully stay focused on my walk with God and not get distracted by guys or whatever. i need to stay focused on the true romance. Divine romance lyrics-phil wickham The fullness of Your grace is here with meThe richness of Your beauty’s all I seeThe brightness of Your glory has arrivedIn Your presence God, I’m completely satisfiedFor You I sing I danceRejoice in this divine romanceLift my heart and my handsTo show my love, to show my loveA deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from YouOf deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the roomYour innocent blood, has washed my guilty lifeIn Your presence God I’m completely satisfied