My Talents Amaze Me

one of my most notorious traits: getting myself in ridiculous situations. I mean really? sometimes i even amaze myself with my stupidity and ability to create a situation that should never exist. i have finally found myself in a situation that even my friends can't help me fix. under normal circumstances my friends can look from the outside and see here this is what you should do. nope. i ask for suggestions and 2 people give me a verse that has nothing to do with the situation and the other 2 just tell me that they dont know and that i'm in a sticky situation. really? wow. thanks. i didn't know that before you told me... One of the few people i ever thought i would end up having a problem with and i manage to somehow end up with a problem. sheez... if i had just thought twice about sending the e-mail, or if i had maintained my relationship with her while i was in russia, maybe none of this would've happened. i want to maintain a relationship with her but now she thinks i'm only in this to gain her approval to date her son. i want to get to know her cause i think she's really cool, fun, and has alot of wisdom to offer. i don't like that she's questioning my motives. it makes me feel guilty when i want to contact her now, like i'm doing something i shouldn't. am i doing something wrong? should i not be initiating a relationship with another christian woman? it sucks because i can't even tell her that i dont want her approval for her son. i do, the reality is, i do wish she approved of our relationship but i wish she could see that this isn't why i want to talk to her. i dont know what to do. do i continue trying to contact her and risk her thinking i'm still trying to gain her approval? or do i leave her alone for a while and seem to confirm her suspicions that i was only talking to her for her son? man! God, i need you to fix this becuase right now i just don't know how to. i don't want to lose the opportunity to have a good relationship with her God, i think she's amazing. i know that nothing i do or say can ultimately change her opinion of my motives, make them clear to her, God. help her to understand that i truely admire her as a woman and that i'm not just using her. God, you know the desires of my heart and you know that this relationship is what i desire. you know my wants and frustrations and you know what an amazing blessing he's been in my life. if its your will, please somehow clear the way for this to happen in your timing. your will alone though, God. Praise Him always!

Girl Time is essential

well i have been in school and without Natalie for about a month or so now. life in california is finally starting to mellow out and kinda settle into a basic routine. i have finally begun to re-establish relationships with some of my girls again, i wasn't the best at keeping in contact while i was in Russia and New Jersey. i am so happy to finally be working with my high schoolers again. i have missed them while i was gone. we are beginning to start working on the youth group and making changes to improve it and its focus. we are trying to get the messages deeper and provide more for the youth, shallow meaningless messages is not something that we want to continue. similarly, we are now gonna start working on dividing the girls and guys once a month so we can delve into some deeper things with them that you can't always do with a mixed audience. i am now officially the girls teacher once a month. should be interesting... and growing... i think i'm ready for the new challenge though, i sometimes need motivation to dig deeper so this will be good. we also want to start working on some more discipleship for the kids in the youth group. one on one time is so helpful when you can get it. i'm so excited to see how the kids and the leadership will be affected by these changes, hopefully it will be powerful in our lives. lastly, the only other change is that amy is once again in the hospital. i have been spending most of my time helping april with all of it. being the adult and taking responsibility for everything since she can't seem to right now, along with being the comfort to the family. its hard to always remain strong for them and act like i can handle everything all the time. they need calm and strength and God apparently has me in that position right now for them. sometimes its hard to not show my fears and frustrations in this situation. God give me your strength and your wisdom becuase watching Amy's mind fall apart a second time while dealing with the same thing with my sister is tearing me apart. Be what i can't. Praise Him always!