desperation and confusion

sometimes i seriously confuse myself. i'm not quite sure what's wrong with me sometimes. half of my brain says one thing and the other half says the other. i wish my mind would decide! or maybe its my heart and brain that are conflicting. i guess that's what makes it confusion, if i understood and had the answer, i wouldn't be confused. emotions are something that carry way too much weight in our lives and i believe that many times they rule over us. i can honestly say, that mine are ruling over me right now though i wish they weren't. my heart keeps pushing me in a direction my brain is so intensely afraid to go, afraid of the outcome, of the unknown. is this the direction i'm supposed to be headed? is this worth the risk i'm taking? our friendship is so important to me and sometimes i wonder if taking this risk is worth it. is risking my friendship for a chance at a relationship worth it? are these feelings true? are they going to lead me in a positive direction or one toward destruction? is this all just a distraction to mess with my renewed walk with God? sometimes i wish i had the strength and motivation to fully stay focused on my walk with God and not get distracted by guys or whatever. i need to stay focused on the true romance. Divine romance lyrics-phil wickham The fullness of Your grace is here with meThe richness of Your beauty’s all I seeThe brightness of Your glory has arrivedIn Your presence God, I’m completely satisfiedFor You I sing I danceRejoice in this divine romanceLift my heart and my handsTo show my love, to show my loveA deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from YouOf deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the roomYour innocent blood, has washed my guilty lifeIn Your presence God I’m completely satisfied