A Time To Let Go

One of my weakest areas is letting go, surrendering. I have fought so hard for this relationship to work but if God isn't in it, it won't succeed. i had to say goodbye to a very close and important friend today, something i never wanted to do. I didn't have the strength to do what i knew i had to, thankfully he did. we've become too close, it became consuming, it became our focus instead of God. I have to wonder how and when this happened, what was it that made us fall and focus on each other instead of God. Looking back, i realize alot of it was progressive. With each new trial or obstacle, we would somehow get even closer instead of falling apart, leaned on each other for support and came to each other for encouragement and laughs. on the surface that all seems fine and dandy, but when you come to each other before God, there is a problem and he wont be in it. we have to take a step back, take a break, let each other go. i believed this would be something that lasted for life, we both did, and i like to believe that one day God will redeem our friendship and let us have it back again. is that more of my inability to let go of what i hold so dear? is that more bondage, me having the hope of being able to return someday? but then, every time i see him and look at those eyes i see home, love, comfort, and support. everything he's been for me this past year or so. besides God, he was my one consistancy through this crazy year. how can i not hold onto that? how do i let go? on my own, i really don't have the strength. i've tried this last month or two and keep failing over and over again, i can't let go. God continues to pry my grip off of this, one finger at a time and yet i still hold tightly. what will it take for me to let go? it keeps getting harder and harder to hold onto what's being taken away, since i wouldn't give it up willingly. i'm finally wearing out and getting to that exhausted place where all that is left is surrender. God, i've spent so much time bargaining with you, telling you i'll only let go if i can have it back later, but i'm tired and exhausted and have no place else to go anymore. i give up. you win. Praise Him always!