Time, time, can I have more time?

well i have finally gotten some of the information from new generation. jill and jenny both e-mailed me this morning. i will be leaving march 15 and i will stay for 3 months. i received the application information today too. i have to fill that out this week and give it to the people who will have to fill out the recommendations as well. i honestly dont have time for everything that i need to do. its sometimes overwhelming. i haven't slept in days and yet i see another sleepless night coming tonight. with so many homework assignments and papers to write. its hard to finish it all. i know God can help me succeed but at the same time its frustrating. i haven't had time to do any other homework this weekend because of the plays. i need a nap and yet i dont have time for one. i'm also rather wired because things are finally moving forward with all of this. i am so excited to finally see a little tiny bit of progress. God is good. now i just need to come up with the funds even sooner! goodness! stress! Praise Him always!

Praise Him in my confussion, Praise Him in my clarity

well its been another month since i've updated this thing. as always i slack on this thing. well me and Rendell had our 2 months on wednesday. my parents still dont know about it since Rendell hasn't been at our church the same sundays my dad is. He still wants to ask my dad's permission. i dread that day. they shred all of my guys apart. i still have the same confusion about everything. i still wonder if this is right. ally is still sure he's not right for me and i still have alot of people telling me i'm gonna marry a certain russian. this is so confusing sometimes. i'm tired of everyone telling me this. I'm not in Russia, wait till i like there to tell me this please. God, take away this distraction. Find him and mold him because i don't have the patience to do it myself. on the topic of Russia, i have been asked if i still want to do a stint over there. i begin the application process in about another week or two. i hear there is lots and lots of paperwork. apparently i will probably be living with anya in her apartment which would be cool. i will probably be staying for well over a year which i'm a little leary about. i'm mostly scared that either everyone will hear about it and then i wont be able to go. so i'm keeping this to myself, which is rather difficult. i am also still in total shock about the amount of money i will need to come up with. sacha said it would probably be around $55,000 i hope she's wrong! well, i will be finishing school early because i'm not sure when i'm moving. all my classes are fast track and i will have my degree in march before english camp. i'm really concerned about all of this because its a really large load. i'm struggling to keep up sometimes and i'm afraid i'm going to fail my statistics class. God you will have to do a miracle on this one. Please have mercy and supernaturally give me the time and understanding to succeed in this class! Please give me guidance in all of these things as i have absolutely no idea what i'm doing right now. I am flying blindly and trusting You know what we're doing. I know that you have had your hand in this whole stint process God. I have finally done what you wanted me to do and I've accepted that i am in California for the time being. as i've finally let go, you've finally given me the go ahead on this and i'm so thankful. each of my problems have slowly been clearing to allow this to happen. you changed jenny's heart about me working there, you've provided me with a job, you've provided me with support, and next for the funds. Praise You Always!

How do I make the nothing in my wallet into something?

well, i no longer work for Kelly's coffee shop. they relocated and said they would call me when they were settled in again. however, i don't want to stay with them since they're so sketchy. so i didn't make it to marina's wedding like i had hoped i would. i am currently completely broke. school is still the same, i'm doing much better with it though, i'm staying more focused but i still hate it. me and Rendell have been dating now for 1 month 11 days. it has been going really well too. we celebrated our one month anniversary by going to Bj's for dinner and planned on seeing fame but we were both too tired. we have been working on the christmas play for a while now too. the practices are going well and most people know their parts now but the girls need to be in sync for this to work correctly. halloween is also this weekend. i think i'll probably just go 50's for the church party. apparently i'm dressing like a cop for chelsae's party though. should be interesting...i also found out that the first russia meeting was this last sunday. i was a little upset that i wasn't informed about it but amy caught me up. apparently its march 20-april 2 and its $3200. ouch. i have no idea how any of this is going to work because i still don't have a job. i know that russia is where i'm supposed to be though so it'll work. i'm being told by someone that it won't work until i break up with Rendell because i'm not doing what God wants me to do by dating him. what's that about? i'm so frustrated by that but its still in the back of my mind... crap.

Thanks a latte for the job offer..

well its been a little while since my last post. school is well on its way now once again. carissa moved out about a week or two ago to live with her mom again. its kinda sad actually, cause we never see each other anymore and never talk. i'm not a fan of this new found distance. i have a job once again in a coffee shop. i work at kelly's at the mall. i'm happy to be working with coffee again, its such a good fit. even though the owner's son is a total weirdo and i get like no hours. i'm thinking about getting a second job becuase i really need to be making money, especially since i want to go to florida for the wedding, though i know it wont happen. i need to start saving for english camp too, its not far away at all! as always, i'm struggling to keep motivated and interested in school but i'm doing better than i used to so that's good. i really wish i was a good student who studied hard and did really well. i need to do well if i want to transfer anytime soon too. the relationship status has changed as well, chelsae's roommate's best friend rendell proved to be really cool actually. we were in this weird transitional state for a while but we went official sept 18. so we've been together for a little while now. its been really cool. i'm really impressed with him actually. its hard to explain it but the way he treats me is something i have never truely experienced. he's so tender and careful with the way he acts and treats me. i hate to admit it, but i'm totally falling for this dude. we'll see where it goes, i'm excited for the adventure either way. Praise Him always!

I Have Joined the Race for Knowledge

well the eternal, or yearly in this case, search for knowledge has begun once again. yes, school has started. while i generally find school a rather distasteful place, i rather enjoy my classes this semester. i'm a little concerned about my statistics class cause i struggle with math but i think i'll be ok with jorgen's help. also my reading class is a complete and total waste of time but again, nothing i can't handle. however, my world religions class is always an interesting one, full of new information for me to dive into. as well as my english class, where my professor continually finds these captivating stories. let the learning process continue! things have once again settled in temecula. the girls are gone, and carissa is back. even though at times, this might seem slightly mondain, i'm glad to have things back to normal and have some stability again. today after school me and carissa spent some time translating and working out the choreography for a sign language performance in the play. it was very stretching and frustrating to try and choreograph a piece to louder music (awake and alive by skillet) but overall i'm pleased with the outcome. it'll definitely get the point across. also coming up this weekend is One God, One Voice. apparently its kinda like a one day retreat over at calvary chapel south bay. i'm really excited to be going up there again, that church is such a blessing to me in so many ways. its going to be awesome getting a day of renewal and just total filling of the spirit as well. this is a golden opportunity for fellowship and for hearing more of the word. Praise Him always!

Timing is everything

well some of my questions have been answered. my desent towards land has finally begun. today has been a very good but unplanned day. this morning i had to drive all the way back to temecula from hunington for a skit at church. then i made my way back up to south bay to attend the service, where i ran into rigo. i was kinda upset about it because i wanted it to just be a time for me to focus and hear from the Lord but God used it. we were able to talk and made the decision that friendship is better suited for us. i was glad to finally have the resolution i was looking for. i feel a weight off of my shoulders. the strange thing about the situation is that, just as rigo is kinda moving out of my life, jake suddenly starts moving back in. i can't help but notice the strangeness of the timing, especially with him not knowing anything about rigo. anyways, the rest of my day was a huge encouragement. i was totally fed in the sermon and then me and marcely were able to hang out and just totally fellowship and talk about things in our lives right now. God has totally placed us in each others lives for a reason. we also went to the high school service tonight and that was a blessing too. God was just pouring Himself into me today and i'm stoked about it. tuesday is the beginning of school again and friday is the end of the girls visit. it seems so long and short at the same time. its been a blessing either way and i look forward to our time spent together in Russia in the spring. Praise Him always!

Patience is a virtue... that I don't have

well the Russians have been here for about a week now. alot has changed i must say. we've already done disneyland, the beach, and cara's boat. The girls seem to be having alot of fun and really enjoying themselves, minus natalie fighting with Rigo. it feels like things have been nonstop since they got here. is it just my imagination? possibly. it doesn't help that i am currently sharing a bed with Carissa and haven't been sleeping most of the time they've been here. i need relaxation and His peace. so many other things are going on that i have no control over. things i need to stop stressing about and just let go of. i can't make him call me anytime sooner. i can't make God's decision for myself. i can't make sure that this semester of school will go well. i can't make sure my mom keeps her job. and i can't make someone hire me. i feel as though i'm in a suspeneded position, hanging above all my decisions, waiting for that one missing piece of information i need to finally land. i so desprately want to land in whatever place it is that God has me but right now, i just need to wait. patiently. oh so patiently. God help me to do so.