Praise Him in my confussion, Praise Him in my clarity

well its been another month since i've updated this thing. as always i slack on this thing. well me and Rendell had our 2 months on wednesday. my parents still dont know about it since Rendell hasn't been at our church the same sundays my dad is. He still wants to ask my dad's permission. i dread that day. they shred all of my guys apart. i still have the same confusion about everything. i still wonder if this is right. ally is still sure he's not right for me and i still have alot of people telling me i'm gonna marry a certain russian. this is so confusing sometimes. i'm tired of everyone telling me this. I'm not in Russia, wait till i like there to tell me this please. God, take away this distraction. Find him and mold him because i don't have the patience to do it myself. on the topic of Russia, i have been asked if i still want to do a stint over there. i begin the application process in about another week or two. i hear there is lots and lots of paperwork. apparently i will probably be living with anya in her apartment which would be cool. i will probably be staying for well over a year which i'm a little leary about. i'm mostly scared that either everyone will hear about it and then i wont be able to go. so i'm keeping this to myself, which is rather difficult. i am also still in total shock about the amount of money i will need to come up with. sacha said it would probably be around $55,000 i hope she's wrong! well, i will be finishing school early because i'm not sure when i'm moving. all my classes are fast track and i will have my degree in march before english camp. i'm really concerned about all of this because its a really large load. i'm struggling to keep up sometimes and i'm afraid i'm going to fail my statistics class. God you will have to do a miracle on this one. Please have mercy and supernaturally give me the time and understanding to succeed in this class! Please give me guidance in all of these things as i have absolutely no idea what i'm doing right now. I am flying blindly and trusting You know what we're doing. I know that you have had your hand in this whole stint process God. I have finally done what you wanted me to do and I've accepted that i am in California for the time being. as i've finally let go, you've finally given me the go ahead on this and i'm so thankful. each of my problems have slowly been clearing to allow this to happen. you changed jenny's heart about me working there, you've provided me with a job, you've provided me with support, and next for the funds. Praise You Always!