Get a grip, Teresa

in an effort to observe tradition, i will start of this post by saying: i haven't updated in a while. its been almost a month if we want to get down to specifics. it continues to be a difficult season for me but again, i should expect that with the upcoming trip. allow me to do a short recap of what i've been up to before i start complaining about my life. well for new years me, chelsae, and rendell all went to Mikael's house. we played apples to apples for a while and ended up heading home around 1130 to avoid all the drunk people. i no longer work at kohls anymore. i did my 3 shifts and now they're done with me. i am now working with hope and chelsae in the carpet cleaning business. its alot of hard work and you actually earn your money as opposed to folding clothes in a store. i just finished my second job with them today actually. i'm getting better already. i've been trying to save up whatever money i earn, but its somehow magically disappearing. i don't quite understand it. i also did the jr high retreat with the girls. it was a good growing time and i was able to work things out with their leadership. me and rendell broke up for a grand total of two days as well. it was really stupid and just a miscommunication. we're back together again. it was a really hard time for me, dealing with breaking up with rendell, not having a job, and trying to figure out my trip. i was really concerned about posting some things i was dealing with because i was afraid people would read it and it would become a problem. when i finally finished greiving dillon's HIV, i found out what was wrong with my sister. i mean we always knew something was wrong with her but we never knew what specific category she fell under. well she was finally diagnosed. my sister is schitzophrenic. i have been sworn to secrecy so she wont be singled out or anything. so i have to bear it completely alone. even after almost a month of knowing, i'm still trying to fight the tears from rolling down my cheeks as i write about it. my sister is crazy. she sees and hears things that aren't actually happening. then she goes to therapy and finds out half of her life was a dellusion and lie. then remains medicated for the rest of her life. schitzophrenia is a degenerative problem. if the medications dont work, she'll eventually lose any grips with reality. how is that not psychologically damaging to know that will happen to your own sister? i've been feeling like i'm beyond repair with the amount of stress that is being thrown at me right now. i need the high school camp so bad but yet it was canceled because of the stupid snow! gah! i hate the snow! i hate how all of the paperwork i need to fill out all depends on each other and cant be done before each other. which one freakin goes first? i hate how school isn't working out at all, i'm in 2 classes this semester. two. i hate how i have no money for my trip. i hate how bad my insomnia's getting. i hate that i've become an emotional wreck over the last two months. i hate that i can't seem to catch a break. i hate that i have no control over my life. sometimes, i really do just hate my life. clarification: am i suicidal or anything? no. just frustrated. Praise Him Always!...somehow.